Ready for Something Old, That's New

Words from a friend, memories of our past; a change that is familiar.  This is where this short story begins- at the end.

Yesterday I tracked down an old friend.  Curious as to whether the effort to do so even made sense, while going through the hoops of making phone call after phone call, through the city's resources.  Are my expectations too high; are we even in the same place-- in terms of our thinking.

No this isn't about Love, but I have a strong belief that good friendships form when the elements in the Universe are aligned, and the path of two individuals or more cross.  Something amazing happens; it could be that each person just needed to hang out and have a beer; it could be that each person was growing past where they were and evolving into someone/ something new; it could be that it was just the right place and the right time to connect.

These types of events have occurred at different times in my, Guatemala once when I encountered a mixture of international Spanish studying students from Germany, USA, Sweeden and Switzerland all converged in a small town Antigua among the hills in Central America.  One of the best chance encounter experiences of my life.  Interestingly enough, I always associated these encounters with meeting new people, never friends from the past.

We often make the mistake that these events only happen when we fall in Love or get romantic; I am here to tell you some of the most amazing friends I have ever met had nothing to do with romance, but more the right place at the right time.  These are friends for life; these relationships bare the gift of being able to pick up where they left off.

That is where my story picks up.  After calling several city departments, fire stations, and waiting for an emergency to complete it's cycle, etc. I caught up with my friend.  The best thing I could have expected that day was his reaction to my call.

His words were simple "I'm ready for something old, that's new".  This was his response after inquiring about his well being, his family and life in general.  I was glad to hear that he was doing well and even more glad that an old friend, despite the decades that had passed, that the friendship and memories we had as children was strong enough to withstand the test of time.  If nothing else occurred and we never met again, those few words held a lifetime of meaning.  That statement said it all.  There is no substitute for the strength of friendship that has stood the test of time.

If you have this friend, go out and find them.  It will be worth the effort.

Being Happy

by Scotland Willis

1. Make friends and family a priority.

2. Identify your windows: These are the things that as part of your life, can put you "en-joy". E.g. windows are my windows, sailing is a window, hiking is a window, gardening is a window.

3. Commit to being happy: Identify 10 things that make you happy; promise yourself each day you will do at least one of them; you will spend the rest of your life being happy.

4. My daily affirmation: Give me the determination to persevere and the perseverance to endure. For me there isn't one "most important thing" that determines our happiness. We are too complex.

How to Stay Happy

Happiness is a quintessential emotion in our lives.  We thrive when we are happy, we perform at our best when we are happy, we naturally engage people around us when we are happy, and our life seems to be able to open new doors to where we would like to go next, when we are happy.   A January 3 2013 article in Scientific American says "Mindfulness meditation-- which has been around for well over 2000 years..." has a Mindful Based Stress Reduction"

Here approaches to help keep you in a happier frame of mind and a way to apply them into your own life, if these things present a challenge.  One of the first steps in being happy is to take time out to learn about yourself; from recognizing when emotional shifts are occurring to when chemical reactions occur inside that allow you to achieve what you thought to be impossible, truly understanding your emotions and recognizing barriers that impede your happiness-- no matter who or what they are.

Happiness vs Emptiness: Have you ever noticed when you are really happy, how nothing else seems to matter in that moment.  Maybe it was because of something your children accomplished; a vacation you deserved and you are caught up in the moment of that once-in-a-lifetime euphoria; or perhaps participating in  an activity like sky diving you though you didn't have the courage to do-- but you did it!  It is a wonder that as much as we love to be happy, how little of our time is dedicated to being happy.  Here are a few tips: 1) identify 10 things that make you happy, promise yourself each day you will do at least one of them and spend the rest of your life being happy 2) know that takes you to that emotion level 3) spend time around other people who are happy and you will find that you will become that way more often 4) don't spend your life doing something that doesn't make you happy just because it feels like security or an obligation.  One of the reasons people are trying other career choices is because there are so many resources to help us do and explore that using technology or auditing a graduate course etc.

Relaxation vs Stress: Relaxation is an important function to be able to achieve.  An April 2012 article in Scientific American stated "Stress, in fact, can cripple our most advanced mental faculties".  In our lives we can either reduce stress or make ourselves stress free.  Meditation is a great retreat into yourself that requires no outside forces.  Start with simple 30 second cycles and only one is necessary to begin with.  Remember you are working your way into to this process.  If you can be still in your mind and physically, then I encourage you to do so.  Find a quiet place, all devices that make sound should be turn off, and you may want meditation music or a gentle bubbling fountain in the background.  The easiest way to describe how to achieve the stillness you need, is to not process any thought; if a thought enters your mind, allow yourself to not process the next level of that thought.  So if you are thinking of blue, don't go the the next phase and connect it with the sky or your car etc. just let it be and see if you can stop yourself progressively from thinking any further.

Clarity vs Clutter:  Clarity exists in many forms, mental clarity, our physical space, our homes, or our lives. Organizing our lives is a great was to begin.  We have so much stuff (emotional, physical etc.) that we can't often decide what to do with it all.  Start by asking yourself what I can do without.  When you begin to unload the burdens of friend's expectations of you you also free up some of that space to be a better you, and find other ways to support friends.  Cluttered home space?  Start to post some things online and either give them away or sell them for a few bucks and get a little fuel for your car or buy a public transportation pass

Social vs Isolation: We are social creatures by nature.  Case in point; I sat down with my laptop in the courtyard just the other day; a neighbor was standing on his patio looked over and asked, "can you get online?"   He continued, "...because I can give you my password if you would like to get online" I affirmed that I was already connected, and thanked him- along with an explanation.  Random acts of kindness often can remind us of what a meaningful experience socializing can be.  Though it is easy to get caught up in Web,  take time to get out and connect with others.  A simple greeting, kind gesture, an unselfish act, are ways that reinforce our connection to other people, without obligation but with a great degree of satisfaction.  There are also great social groups that get together such as meetup.com, where you can connect with like minded people for just about any activity you have an interest in.  Individuals in these groups exist in every major city and many minor ones.  If you haven't been to the theater in years, find where they might be doing free public performances, most cities have them

Peace vs Chaos:  We need little explanation for this one; we all recognize whee things are crazy in our life, but peace of mind differs from happiness in subtle ways.  Feeling good about decisions you make really depend on how you want to feel.  Another way to look at peace of mind is balance in your life.  Here you are fulfilling your obligations while also meeting your personal needs-- which by the way should include being happy.  Yoga, meditation, or just quiet time are excellent for this.  There is not a religion in the world that doesn't talk about the importance of inner peace.  Start with 5 minutes a day if you are way to busy!  Stop everything that is around you from disturbing you and just stop.  This does not have to be meditation time it can just be you time.  You might take a moment to walk outside and appreciate the warmth of the sun on your face, the brisk air if that is your fancy; sit and enjoy being with just yourself.  You will be amazed at how rewarding this activity can be, we don't often stop everything just for nothing.  Remember Chaos can't exist if things aren't moving

Health vs. Neglect:  In a January article in Time magazine researchers state that "...a specific signal that at its peak-- say, when your muscles are screaming that you can't do another rep or your brain refuses to focus on that page-- prompts you to quit.  Managing your personal health is crucial.  A daily health routine can help you get back to center.  Walking, cycling, aerobics, running, weight lifting, are among the most popular activities to partake in.  The great thing about these activities is once you begin the investment is very little.  By a comfortable pair of running shoes and start a conversation with a friend about walking or running regularly.  If you're looking for a little more tempo, purchase a bike on Craigslist to see your level of commitment then step up your game.  You will begin to feel as though your lifestyle cannot do without.  Start your routine of simply and set weekly goals to increase your activity.  Stepping up in 15 minute increments a a really good idea.  Reward yourself when you reach a goal and then step up your level after doing so until you get to where you want to be.

Follow your passion in life:  This section gets a certain level of dedication because of its importance to each one of my readers; not so much because I know you but because almost everyone has a passion for something, they just have not realized that passion-- yet .  Remember what it felt like when you were a kid and had your first thought or big dream about what you realized you wanted to be when you grew up, however real or unreal it feels now.  Two things 1) Are you following your passion and 2) It is not too late.  Passion is a very powerful force; it seems to be able to summons something inside of us we do not realize is there, enabling us to rise above any occasion.  Don't spend the remainder of your life or even another moment postponing your passion.  Even if you only find a way to fit a piece of your passion into your current lifestyle, you will be better off than never following it at all.  Nothing is more rewarding than to do something you have always wanted to do.  Chances are that if you find a way to allow even a pinch of that passion into your life, you will find a way to make it grow.

Happiness depends a lot on self awareness and change.  Be aware of the ebb and flow internally and externally, these are the two systems that are affected by the events that occur in your life.  After you have that awareness be prepared to make incremental changes to bring you closer (without disappointments) to your goals.

Living Your Dream

Living your dream is often clouded by the obligations that clutter our life.  Some of these obligations are necessary others are well deserving of an adjustment.  The real conversation to have with yourself is what is my dream life, how do I begin living my dream life, and what changes do I need to make.

The dictionary's definition of dream is a visionary creation of imagination.  The two most important words in that definition are creation and imagination.  Let's start by looking at creation because often people get confused, and that creation or being creative is a quality that does not necessarily get you far in life unless you are recognized as a having super stardom status in society.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Creation by definition is the act of bring the world into order or existence... So being creative can be quite orderly and very productive.

Think about how you feel when your creative juice are flowing, whether you're helping your child with an school project, your playing a game, or you have figured out how to navigate a solo hike; it may even have been a time you offered someone really good advice that resulted in their advancement.  Being creative is crucial to our growth and development.  Imagination is similarly misunderstood.

Your imagination helps to visualize what is possible and can very easily lead to fulfilling your dreams.  The dictionary say imagination is the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present in the senses...  Imagination has helped us as a society reach the moon; on an individual level it has lead people to become amazing leaders such as Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, a man who found a deep sense of purpose by imagining liberating a people.  The amazing thing about imagination is that it is so vast, from technology to motivation from dreaming to artwork- it is truly limitless, what better expression of the human spirit is there?

So begin living your dream by allowing your creativity and imagination to go to work for you.  What is so amazing about this allowance is that it costs you nothing and the rewards are amazing.  How do you begin living your dream?  First you must be true to what your dream is.  Do not restrict yourself with initial conditions otherwise your dream will become polluted with barriers.  Second you should be conscious about what it will take to achieve your dream.  Often great sacrifices to things you are attached to must be let go, but that should become part of a plan to achieve your dream.  Determine if those attachments are holding you back, and if so release them.  As you find yourself getting closer you will also find liberated that those attachments did not mean as much as you thought they did.  Third you need a plan that has some guidelines, without knowing what you want to achieve, and understanding when you arrive at that dream, you can easily become lost.  Living your dream life means change at the deepest level, it requires understanding who you are at a primal level; this in of itself will open all kind of doors about who you are, what you really want out of life, who you select to interact with, how you go about having conversations etc.

As you get closer to achieving that dream, new doors will open for you and it will be your task to recognize them and determine if that is the portal to your next dream. Remember that doors may be as simple as feeling more happy or as different as choosing a new career. Life does not have to stop when you have arrived at the dream, that is the beauty of being human, you can continue to dream and set courses to achieve those dream time and time again once accomplished.

Every Year Freeze

 (tap on any of the images to enlarge)

It was a clear day so I did one of my favorite things to do, drive; my other favorite thing to do is being happy.  Today it was the combination of driving, and dropping my body temperature into near freezing water.  I made an early departure out of Boston and headed to Cape Cod so I could jump in the Atlantic Ocean.  This is my new annual ritual as of last year.  The big answer and question towards the end of this article is, Why.  

It was already the 20^th of the month and though I did not make my New Year’s Day goal of making the jump on January 1st, I was determined to make it happen today.  The air was warm enough earlier in the day to allow me to open my window for a little while- but only a little while.  As a hiker I started to think about needing to preserve my body heat for when I enter the ocean, so I decided to close the window after about 10 minutes.

Last year, I visited P-Town (Province Town for those who are not familiar with the area), located in Cape Cod.  I went to Herring Cove Beach because it is the farthest point East in the United States.  There is something very special about being at an end point; it arouses something primal, deep within us.  Understanding that there is no more available.  Think about it, no more water, electricity, food, land, people etc.  Upon my arrival for the first time last year, I was surprised to see so many friendly people, seemingly seeking something similar to myself.  Among those people were 4 women who had decided to jump in the Atlantic Ocean naked (commonly called skinny dipping in the U.S.)  I asked them if I could take their picture and they agreed to allow me to do so(see this blog).  Feeling inspired I followed suit, mainly because I had an overwhelming feeling to do something different, memorable.  I recall taking off my clothes and staying in the ocean for about 10 minutes before feeling the need to retreat.  It was much warmer last year(among the 10 warmest in U.S. history) It was also one of the most liberating experiences I ever had.  Something about breaking convention, doing something you have never done, and taking yourself to new limits.

I felt like I had taken life by the horns and continued on the path to shape my own future.  This journey is not new for me; several years ago I made a decision to transform my perspective on life.  I had committed to being happy every day of my life (see blog here).  Put simply, I have molded my life around my Windows- it is those Windows that are the force behind my happiness.

I arrived at my destination and reflected briefly on the road trip out here.  The fact that it was Winter, the trees were bare left me feeling very alone though listening to Sarah McLachlan Building A Mystery, kept me company.  Now at Herring Cove, I drove over small piles of sand left by the strong winds, mading my way to the parking lot; a long stretch of space to accommodate the large population of Summer visitors- very different than today.  Though by the time I departed, there were probably 20 cars on the beach.

The ocean swells were close to seven feet (2.2 meters).  For a moment I thought about the risk of an under tow that could potentially pull me under.  The winds were billowing at about 35 miles per hours, the tide was rising and it made sense for me to give this a second thought.  So I did.  I thought to myself, if this is that way I go, it is worth it.  I love the ocean, sailing, swimming and deep sea diving; I can't think of anything else that offers so many ways to enjoy what it has to offer.  While I thought there was a risk, I decided it was minimal.  I went back to the car, pulled out my towel out and headed back to the water.  I peeled off my clothes, stuffed them in the sleeves of my winter coat and took the plunge.  I was so motivated that I returned to the car, covered by my towel, retrieved my camera (to take the picture below), and jumped back in the ocean for a second time.  I am so certain that anyone would share my enthusiasm that I invite anyone to join me on January 1, 2014 and see how powerful this experience can be for yourself.  

Why?  The real question is why not?  We can spend the rest of our lives wishing we climbed that mountain, ran that marathon, committed to a cause we really believe in, took a chance and started that business, or took that trip around the world.  My life is now tailored to what makes me happy, not in a selfish way, but in a way that makes me feel more alive.  Experiencing being in temperatures easily capable of inducing hypothermia does just that;  it reminds me how amazing the simple things in life can be, and something else;  it is a transformation away from the typical existence, making me acutely aware of the gift of life.  Never will you feel more alive than when you are in the face of a great challenge.  Never will you feel more successful than when you overcome that challenge; do so, and your self equity rises exponentially.  Next year, same place, same time 

Photography: Remarkable Eye (http://www.remarkableeye.com/ )

Spirit of Happiness

As human beings we go through a whole range of emotional extremes and subtleties; from the need to get up and go to work (whether or not we like it) to celebrating special occasions; from meeting new friends or  successfully completing a goal, to anger about opposing views from our own.  But happiness is a higher state of being; it is an internal wealth of opportunity we can use to transform our lives.

The Dalai Lama has written a book on happiness which millions of people follow; though I have read many books on happiness; I do not believe happiness requires spiritually in the formal sense.  Michael Argyle, in a 2002 publication indicated that from 2001 to the Autumn of 2002 (when his article was published) over 100 new titles have been released on happiness.  With so much emphasis on it, why are we still publishing information about happiness?  Simple, it is the foremost balance we can achieve as human beings.

Happiness is a balance we find within ourselves.  So where do we find this happiness?  Certainly not in material and superficial objects.  No, such things offer a certain pleasure but there is a clear difference between pleasure and happiness.  Happiness is a state of mind when other factors that offer superficial happiness are absent.  Owning a Porsche, a home, getting a raise, eating great food; these things offer momentary pleasure; more importantly, go too much in one direction or the other and they can disappear.  Too much food you over eat, have a car too long, it loses its appeal. Take another example slightly different scenario.

Place yourself on a beach watching the sunset.  While being at the beach provides comfort, the act of watching the sunset (with someone or without someone you enjoy), provides an internal long lasting memory that cannot be removed.  Standing atop a mountain overlooking a grand valley or other mountains on a clear day offers something similar.  Owning a sailboat is one experience but sailing in a wide open space with gentle trade-winds can be transformative.

I begin each morning with a ritual of my own that offers the happiness I seek.  Based solely on my actions and my self understanding of what I need I; each morning I go through a series of meditation poses; I also recite my own personal mantra.  These two activities are not based on anyone else's knowledge, approval, or acknowledgement.  These activities merely add what I found balances my inner self.  They are absent of desires, result in no questions, yet provide complete and utter happiness; it is because nothing else is attached to their existence that allows these activities to be so fulfilling.  More over happiness is something you need to find on your own journey.  So what led me to these activities that provide such balance.

As I was standing on a large boulder, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, relieved of any inhibitions, I raised one knee and began; arms spread, palms up...  It simply felt right.  A release of needs, desires, wants and an absorption of what seemed to exist on a similar plane; the rocks, the ocean, the sunlight, the air.  The absence of give or take, mere existence in the present, and the state of being.
  

Hiking the Pinnacles

What is it about the need to get into the mountains and recharge?  The air, the solitude, the achievement; all of these things or something completely different.  Yesterday it was about reengaging.

The Pinnacles National Monument is a beautiful National Park, and yesterday was no exception.  The heat made it an especially quiet and solitary hike.  It was hot as heck which made my hike a bit more intense; it also meant that I would see very few hikers on the trail.

The Pinnacles are pretty awesome.  It begins with straight paths and tree cover that offers nice shading; it quickly progresses well groomed but more aggressive winding paths along the rock formation from times past volcanoes.

While I did not see any rock climbers, there were a couple of other hikers enjoying the serenity of the area despite the 95 degree temperatures.  Bring plenty of water on this hike as the temp at the higher elevation was pretty intense due to the heat radiating from the rocks.  I will say the trail offered plenty of places to rest if needed that provided small shading.

Atop the High Peaks Trail, I got to enjoy the flight of the magnificent condor, with their expansive wings were impressive; circling around me as though I might be their next meal and an alert to other potential predators, or perhaps the flight of the condor was my reward for making it to the top.  Either way it was a pleasant experience and wonderful view of the Salinas Valley and mountain ranges.

As I made my decent, I paused to capture images through the lens that we don't always get to capture with our senses and retain in our memories.  Though the man made tunnels are unique, they are unnatural so I actually prefer the natural arches the trees offer.

I always find a tree to hug and exchange energy to ensure earth knows I appreciate all its diversity and offerings.

Today? Julia Pfeiffer State Park.  It is suppose to be some of the most breath taking views that California hiking has to offer.  I'll keep you posted!

ps I just figured out why I needed this hike... I had to get from in front of this screen that takes up entirely too much of my time; so see ya!  Off to my next hike!

Be happy, have fun, and live every moment of your life Today!

SmW

A Good Life

What does it mean to have a good life?  Do you define a good life as financial success; a life that is free of major conflict or struggles; maybe a life where you get to live out your dream-like lifestyle; and perhaps a good life is determined for you by your charitable deeds.  Whatever your definition(s) may be, it is certainly more complex now than any time in history. But why?

As society continues to progress, it has a tendency to accelerate the pace of activities; the internet, global communication (including social networks), productivity requirements, intellectual competitiveness, physical and health improvements; all are contributing factors to social dynamics that might influence what a good life is composed of.

But here is another perspective, perhaps a good life begins very early.  Perhaps a good life is based on our ability to learn and do what is right.  As we age we are influenced by our parents, people closest to us; then peers, in school, our neighborhood; teenage years expose us to larger social groups, work environments and extra curricular activities.   It is how we receive and process information in these groups that informs our behavior- perhaps not solely (as we are hard wired differently), but certainly in a way that can lead to a good life.

As I look back and reflect on my own upbringing, I think about the people who I have a strong appreciation for, as I attempt to emulate their positive attributes.  My reflections also force me to think about misdeeds, cruel or unkind things I might have said or done.  At times it allowed me to fit in to certain group, as the group dynamics took their toll on the victim of our jokes or remarks.  Seemingly harmless, but the long term effects are what concern me most.  I realize this now as I continue to mature (hopefully until the day I die) - I call that learning.  And periodically when we learn more about ourselves, we get the opportunity to go back in time and make amends with such misdeeds from our past.  It is my belief that this makes us better people.  It is a different way to build character through struggle- our internal struggle.  It is not about having regret, but about the affect of not completing our life's circle; when you do something that is not in harmony with the circle, a piece gets removed until you figure out how to get it back so you can be complete.

Liberating myself from past behaviors grants me more freedom to enjoy what I consider to be a good life; I am a sailor, cyclist, runner, hiker, reader, writer and friend.  For me, these are the components that make up a good life now.  Caring about people, how my actions affect their life, and how my actions affect the planet is yet another aspect of a good life.

I have a certain peace about me, like never before- I call it happiness.  So here is my pitch, be happy-- every day of your life, strive for it.  Teach people around you about being happy and what you do to maintain happiness.  I made a list a long time ago that I still use and share.  Make a list of 10 things that make you happy, promise yourself you will do and acknowledge one each day.  Having done at least one of those things; I believe you will spend the rest of your life being happy.  This is a good life, this is my theme song- Good Life enjoy

Unprescription for happiness

by Scotland Willis
I was speaking with a good friend this morning who is visiting with me from out of town; she has been prescribed lots of drugs- eight to my knowledge.  These drugs ranged from antidepressants (prescribed as a method to help them sleep) to pain pills.

Thoroughly concerned about the use of prescription medicine as a solution with no end; I shifted into my life coach mode and asked her to do me a favor.  I simply requested that she take a moment to go up stairs and write a list of ten things that make her happy.

While she was doing this I decided to do some research about the various drugs- most of  it was not positive.  The risks associated with taking the prescribed drugs ranged from suicide to further depression- be more depressed... so I can sleep?  That didn't wash with me, so I furthered my research, all the time knowing and informing her that I am no doctor and am not offering medical advice.  I went a step further.

What we should all know
With only novice experience in heal risk affects, I started to research the NIH (National Institute of Health) and the IRIS (Integrated Risk Information System) to increase my understanding of what I was looking at- more bad news.  Both offer valuable insights to toxicity and responses to various toxicants.

As it turns out, and is sometimes the case, I discovered that what had been prescribed was the very same thing I was requesting of my friend; find happiness- but the drugs were limited in understanding human nature.

The drugs force the release of additional serotonin ( a contributor to a sense of well being sometimes called the happiness hormone (though it is not actually a hormone).  Excesses of serotonin like any toxic affect, can have a negative outcome.   To no surprise she complained about discomfort in her gut (where 80% of serotonin is produced).  An excess dose of serotonin could potentially result in this response.

Putting it all together

After about an hour, she came to me with her list.  Next, I went through the list of ten things she wrote down for me, that make her happy or that she likes to do.  I read them with great care.  Then I went through each one and asked her, "when was the last time you went to the museum?" followed by; "when was the last time you went to a movie"... followed by; "when was the last time you..." until we went through the entire list.

As it turned out she had not participated in any of the things she enjoyed in less than the last six months!

I absolutely could not believe this; I could not believe what I was hearing.  Now I have plenty of stress in my life; but I do not allow a day to go by without doing at least one thing, that makes me happy.  If ever I have, I know that I would not feel good about myself, vis a vis, I would not be happy i.e.,  I would not have the natural dose of serotonin already in my body, that I needed.

So I proceeded to give my nonprescription, "My friend, I said, "I want you to go out and do at least two of the things that make you happy today.  Take your journal and write about how they make you feel and pay attention to what is occurring for you as you make your observations."

A real difference

Immediately, as I was looking at her beautiful self, it was as if a huge burden had been lifted from her.  A smile came across her face that was glowing in a way I had not seen since she arrived.  To me that indicated that the dopamine ( a biological reaction that occurs when you are craving something) was being released at the mere idea of taking time to do some of the things that make her happy.  My belief is that she will get the sense of well being from the interaction between what she stated makes her happy and making a conscious decision to partake in such activity.

And that is it friends, don't allow life to pass you by because you forgot to do something that makes you feel good (the serotonin) every day.

You might  start by going off somewhere right now and making that list of the ten things that make you happy.  If the natural dopamine in your is being released, you are probably experiencing a smile or your salivary glands acting up at the idea that you are going to reward yourself by treating your happiness hormones to doing something nice for someone else, or nice to yourself.

I feel happier already

Don't worry be happy, because there are some things that you just cannot change- accept that and find a alternate happy path.  For the other things, that you can change, as long as they don't make someone else unhappy, go and do them.  Join a new group, pick up an instrument, go for a walk, a bike ride, show someone you care, get an ice cream cone, breathe fresh air, write in your journal, garden, etc. Do a physical or mental activity that nourishes you and can make you begin to feel whole again.

In my non-medical opinion, the first prescription doctors should offer is the prescription of inquiry, and ask what makes you happy.

We forget things all the time as humans, just don't forget to be happy

Resources:

http://www.epa.gov/iris/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Neurobiological_theories

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin

Stress and emotion: A new synthesis, 1999, New York: Springer Pub. Co.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004531/

Emotion and adaptation, 1991, New York: Oxford University Press